being worthy

“You do the right thing even if it makes you feel bad. The purpose of life is not to be happy but to be worthy of happiness.” -Tracy Kidder

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about this quote and what it means in the context of this year. Over the last week or so I've been feeling really disheartened about my place in the world. I'm feeling a little bit burned out. I'm having a lot of negative things kind of shoved down my throat...and they aren't feeling good. I think it would be fair to say...I'm feeling pretty bad.

I'm feeling bad about the thousands of people sleeping in the streets tonight.
I'm feeling bad that many of my single residents will soon be evicted because emergency assistance has been cut off indefinitely, many who may not have the ability to fully care for themselves.
I'm feeling bad that in March health care for the people of Minnesota will be so compromised by cuts that people (maybe some of my residents) are going to die.

I'm feeling bad because I simply have the ability to feel bad and then continue on with my life.

I have the ability to sit in my nice warm house, in my nice warm bed, with a cup of hot cocoa and walk away from work at the end of the day. I think I am probably on the verge of swine flu...but if I get sick, I know I can go to the doctor. If I became really really sick, my family would help take care of me, and help pay my medical bills. This is the reality of my life. but do I really deserve it? What makes me so worthy of these privileges? What makes me so different than the kids I saw in a homeless shelter yesterday? How did I get so lucky, while so many did not? I just can't seem to figure it out.

I'm trying to do the right thing even if it feels bad. I'm trying to sift through these thoughts even if they make me uncomfortable. I'm pushing through work even though I am feeling pretty burned out. I'm trying to be an advocate for those who don't have a voice in this battle against poverty and oppression....and I'm just hoping that it makes me worthy of the things that I have been given and the joy I receive everyday from those I surround myself with.